Run
by Robocracy
Summary: -"You can’t save everyone, Kurosaki. Nobody can." Rated for Swearing, Mature Themes and Alcohol Abuse. RenIchi. Final Chapter Now up. *Complete* Yaoi.
1. Run

_**WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE!! (Mainly the F Word.) Oh and alcohol abuse!!**_

**Italics are Flashbacks.**

* * *

"_RUN, ICHIGO!"_

"_But-"_

"_I TOLD YOU TO RUN! JUST FUCKING RUN!"_

* * *

In the Soul Society, in the (almost) secret-under-Sōkyoku-Hill training grounds,

"What the hell are ya doin'?"

"Waddya mean what am I doin'? I'd say it's pretty obvious to anyone with half a brain 'what the hell' I'm doin'!"

"Wha's tha suppose'ta mean?!"

"It means that you're an idiot if you can't figure it out!"

"Yer tha one that can' even answer a simple question!"

"What's that got to do with anything? Look, either shut up or leave me alone. I'm kinda busy here."

"Ya don' look tha' busy ta me."

"Well I am, so please, _Abarai-fukutaicho, _fuck off. Don't you have some paperwork or something you could be doing instead of bothering me?"

"Yer so cold, Ichigo"

"I'm sure I am, now, if you don't mind, I'm looking for something that you can't help me find."

"Ya won' find it at the bottom of tha' bottle, ya know."

"I know, but it's a good place to start looking."

* * *

"_Let go of me! LET GO OF ME! I HAVE TO GO BACK TO HER!"_

"_I haven't finished healing you yet Kurosaki-kun! If you go out there you'll… you'll…"_

"_I DON'T CARE! YOU HAVE TO LET ME GO! I HAVE TO SAVE HER! LET ME GO INOUE!"_

"_It's not Inoue-san's fault you got hurt and I highly doubt that by screaming you're making the situation any better"_

"_WHO ASKED YOU?! SHE'S OUT THERE AND SHE'S GONNA DIE! SHE'S GOING TO FUCKING DIE, ISHIDA! TELL INOUE TO LET ME GO!"_

"_Kurosaki, if you go now, you will get us all killed, then her giving her life would be in vain. Wouldn't you want to save your friends like she's doing for us? You can't save everyone, Kurosaki. Nobody can."_

* * *

Renji sat down beside Ichigo, choosing a spot where he could lean against one of the many rocks decorating the arid desert. He looked upwards, marvelling at the perfection of the artificial sky as even though it was well after midnight, the seemingly unending expanse of blue never changed, the shadows never moved. "Drinkin' on yer own ain't gonna get ya nowher'"

"If it's not gonna get me nowhere then surely it's gonna get me somewhere."

"Don' mock a guy who's jus' tryin' ta help"

"I don't need your help."

"Yeah ya do."

"I know." He stood, earning a, well-hidden, but worried glance from Renji, having only recently learned to interpret his more subtle facial expressions, the ones showing grief or despair, feelings unbecoming of a battle-hardened soldier. He returned the glance with a weak smile, heading towards his sake stash and grabbing an extra dish and filling both. He sat back down, handed Renji his dish, and said, "To Rukia."

"To Rukia."

* * *

"_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!"_

"_It wasn't your fault, Kurosaki."_

"_I fucking ran! She told me to run, so I did! I RAN AWAY! I'm a fucking coward, Abarai, A FUCKING COWARD!"_

"_She told ya ta run 'cause she didn' wan' ya ta get hurt. Ya'd already had so many injuries… Ya would've died if ya tried goin' up agains' those Menos in tha state ya were in. Ya both would."_

"_But it's my fault she's dead! I should have DIED tryin' to protect her!"_

"_Ya think she would've let ya? She practically shoved ya offa the field."_

"_I should've fought to protect her, fought harder, better… I should have died, not her. She didn't deserve it."_

"_Nah__, she didn' deserve it. But she would'n've had it any other way. She died savin' ya. She's a shinigami, it's her job."_

"_But I was supposeta protect her. I failed her, Renji. I failed her. I-"_

"_Ya let her fight. Ya didn' doubt her, not for one second, she knew she couldn' win, but she fought anyways. Ya let her make the decision herself. Ya let her save her friends. She died a shinigami's death."_

"_I know. Doesn't make it any easier though, does it?"_

"_Not yet it won't."_

* * *

As the post-toast silence stretched in honour of their fallen comrade, Ichigo poured more sake into their now drained dishes. "Did ya love her?"

"Huh?" The suddenly broken silence pulled Ichigo out of his reminiscence and the nature of the question caught him off guard.

"Did ya love her?" The repetition of the question did little to prompt an answer but Ichigo soon came to a conclusion.

"No. Not how she loved me. Did you?"

"Did I love her? Once. When I say once, I mean for like, fifty years… but yeah, I loved her. I would've done anythin' for her, back in the day. Still would, if… ya know…" A stiff nod and a single tear alerted Renji to the fact that yes, Ichigo did know. "After she joined the Kuchiki's an' I was left on my own, it kinda faded away. It never really went away, she'll always have a place in my heart but I've loved since, an' I'll love again."

The two men drained their dishes and lay back on the ground.

"Fuck these dishes. I'm startin' from the bottle."

"Cheers ta tha'. Since when do ya drink anyways?"

"Since last week."

* * *

_The funeral was beautiful. It took place in one of the many private gardens of the Kuchiki estate, just beside some cherry blossom trees, the petals adding a touch of colour to the melancholy of the pure white ceremony. Ukitake, a surprisingly sober Shunsui and Matsumoto came, Momo, accompanied by Hitsugaya sobbed quietly at the back, while Izuru, Renji, Hanatar__ō_ _and Hisagi sat reminiscing. The 'humans' supported one another, Ishida and Chad comforting Orihime but Ichigo couldn't help but think that if it weren't for him, none of this would have happened. He left early and shunpo'ed to the Rukongai and found the nearest bar. _

* * *

"When ya said ya didn' love her like she loved you, wha'd ya mean? Did ya love her at all?" Taking the bottle from Ichigo and giving it a swig, he continued, "Always thought ya'd be into her, everyone thought ya had a thing goin', there was a bettin' pool and everythin'…was kinda jealous fer a bit…"

"I wasn't _in_ love with her, if that's what you mean. I loved her like a sister or a friend, but never really anymore than that. We were colleagues…shinigami."

"Yeh're not exactly a ladies' man then…"

"True tha'..." He took the sake bottle back and downed the rest.

"Hey! Take it slow, I-chi-go! Heh, tha' rhymed."

"Yeah, you're like a really rubbish, and kinda drunk poet. Speakin' of drunk, feelin' kinda dizzy…"

"Tha's 'cause yer not useta sake, unlike me! I am the ulti-hiccup-mate in alcohol tolerance!"

"The hiccup kinda ruined yer whole flow thing yeh had goin' on there. And the whole blush thing yeh have goin' on just proves yer drunkenness. Man, this stuff's _strong_..."

"'Tis. But I'm nah drunk yet," he said while stumbling over to look Ichigo in the face, "'Kay, maybe Imma 'lil drunk," he admitted, stumbling closer, "I've got tha best drunk-blush anyways. I'll have ya know tha' I've been told by lotsa ladiez tha' I look cute when I'm drunk."

"Yeh do."

"I wha?"

Ichigo passed out.

* * *

**A/N**

This is my first fan fiction so if it's a bit rubbish just say: Also I'm quite hung over and its 3 am so that might make it unintelligible. Anyways! I think I'm going to make this multi chapter... but I don't know when I'll be able to write it cas I'm a genius that decides to start a fan fiction 2 days before her A-Levels . PROCRASTINATION FTL. Sorry if anyone seems particularly OOC…


	2. Reckless

_**WARNING!! Swearing!! And spoilers for like... the first chapter of the arrancar arc, lawl.**_

_**OH AND MORE ALCOHOL ABUSE!! Yay!**_

* * *

_Under the moonlit sky, on a hill overlooking Karakura, the group sat in a circle, chatting absently about anything that came to mind, while keeping watch over the oblivious sleeping town. Chad looked from one friend to the other, hoping to find someone who felt the same strange ominous feelings that pervaded his thoughts. Ishida was explaining some complicated cross-stitch or other to Orihime, Renji and Rukia were having a pointless argument but his eyes rested on Ichigo. They exchanged a look that said, 'This doesn't feel right,' and their suspicions were confirmed with several explosions of reiatsu and cracks in the night sky. "Ten of them", Ishida explained to the slightly clueless Ichigo, still being unable to sense reiatsu as well as the rest._

"_Ten of what?" Ichigo responded, still confused by the sudden appearance of the massive reiatsu._

"_See for yourself. Over there," Rukia's face turned sombre, her argument with Renji already forgotten, and pointed in the direction of ten gargantuan holes in reality, "Ten Menos Grande. Ten Gillians. A seemingly coordinated attack. Aizen must have greater sources of information at his disposal than we had anticipated. How very convenient."_

"_Urahara just had to disappear right when Hitsugaya-Taichō's group had gone back to Soul Society," Ichigo sighed as he realised that he should have been more prepared for an attack._

"_He didn't want to return to Soul Society but Yamamoto insisted on it. Something about his and Yoruichi's abilities to help stabilise Soul Society's fractured foundations..." Renji explained, having been personally forced by Yamamoto himself to ask (beg) them to go back, on a temporary basis at least._

"_Well it's too late now. Someone look after my body, I'll take care of this."_

"_Ichigo, don't be so reckless. We should formulate a strategy, a way to destroy the most Gillian while avoiding hurting any of the townspeople and-"_

"_Logical as always Rukia, but I've got it covered!" Having said this, Ichigo grabbed his badge, shoved it in his chest and shunpo'ed towards the nearest Gillian, not wanting to waste any time in dispatching these mediocre enemies._

"_Fool." Rukia left her body and along with Renji attacked a Menos. At that moment, several more tears in reality appeared as many weak hollow came through and began to seek out souls. Immediately Ishida decided to annihilate these hollow as swiftly as possible, these hollow being easy targets for his bow, even if for every one he killed, several more came through. Orihime used Tsubaki on the hollow getting dangerously close to her or her friends but Chad had to jump to her aid as another Gillian tore through the sky and almost launched a doom blast at her. Ichigo, momentarily distracted by his friends' trouble, was caught off guard by the cero of one of the stronger Gillian and could not completely dodge the attack. "Ichigo!"_

"_I'm fine Rukia," he said bluntly, tearing off his sleeve and wrapping it around his left arm as the force of the attack caused a deep gash of burned skin to bleed profusely, and switching to an attack position he yelled, "bankai!" In a whirlwind of reiatsu, the offending Gillian was split in two by a well aimed Getsuga Tenshō, also destroying a vast area of wasteland behind and a fair few minor hollow to boot._

"_Watch where yer aimin' tha' thing, Kurosaki! Couldda taken out half tha city with tha' one!"_

"_Shut up, Renji! I'm kinda busy here!" Another few dozen slashes and several more doom blasts and Ichigo decided he was outnumbered. "They just keep coming! I dunno how much longer I can keep this up! Ishida's hands are bleeding and Inoue's shield is losing it's strength... can't you get some back-up from Soul Society?"_

"_They have many ways of detecting hollow attacks and Karakura is under constant surveillance, we can only hope that they will come before we fall," Rukia stated, with perhaps a little more uncertainty in her tone than Ichigo would have liked. The hollow continued to come, even the smaller ones now being able to avoid Ishida's decreasingly accurate arrows, Chad was already down for the count, Orihime trying desperately to protect him with her disintegrating shield, Renji, even having had his limit released, also losing strength and by the looks of things the only ones with any remaining stamina were himself, having called upon his hollow powers after a particularly nasty attack from a group of hollow, and Rukia. "Ichigo, look out!" Barely dodging oblivion by the twinned cero of two opposing Gillian, Ichigo got caught by a well-timed claw from a third. His mask was shattered and a huge laceration from his face to his torso spouted blood like a fountain, causing him to temporarily lose consciousness and fall out of the sky. "ICHIGO!"_

"_I'm fine Rukia," he replied hoarsely, regaining consciousness and spluttering and struggling to his feet. A second swipe soon reconnected his face to the ground, causing him to groan in pain. He rolled onto his back with Zangetsu pointed upwards, after all, he doesn't need to be standing up to block an attack. As several arrows flew past his head and a small black-haired girl appeared at his side he looked up from his position on the ground._

"_Ichigo, you have to get out of here. You and the others won't survive for much longer. I can hold them off-"_

"_No."_

"_Now is not the time for you to be stubborn!" she shouted as the barrage of hollow threatened to overwhelm her, "I don't have time for this, just get out of here Ichigo!"_

"_No."_

"_This isn't funny! Look, if you don't get out of here, we're all going to die," Rukia was clearly tiring and wouldn't be able to fend off all the hollow for much longer, "Just get out of here! Please!" At that point, a particularly large hollow aimed an attack directly at Ichigo who barely rolled out of the way before being sliced in two, "We're out of time, Ichigo! Please just go!"_

"_I can't..." A Gillian aimed a cero directly at him and was blocked by Rukia's blade. She turned to face him,_

"_You have to go now before you get us all killed!"_

"_Rukia I can't leave you here!" Another cero aimed at him._

"_RUN, ICHIGO!"_

"_But-"_

"_I TOLD YOU TO RUN! JUST FUCKING RUN!"_

* * *

"Wha's the matter, Ichigo?" He turned to the owner of the voice, wondering vaguely why he was covered in cold sweat and why his head hurt so damn much. His stomach rumbled painfully from the night before. "Was it tha sake?_ Was_ pretty strong, though I doubt ya'd remember. Passed out pretty quick." He did remember the night before. He remembered drinking the best part of a very large, particularly potent bottle of sake. He remembered passing out, and he remembered what woke him up. That voice haunted him. Her last words.

"Just a dream..."

"'Nother nightmare, eh? Look, if ya wanna talk abou' it, I'm always here."

"I'm fine, honest. I just need a cold shower or something. What time's it anyway? It's so disorientating down here." A sigh and a swift reply of, _'fuck do I know?' _and Ichigo climbed out of the grounds.

* * *

_By the time Urahara and Yoruichi returned, Rukia was already dead. They exterminated the remaining hollow, their combined powers easily clearing the skies and forcing all the creatures back to Hueco Mundo. They discovered Ichigo rocking back and forth, refusing the pleas of Orihime to be healed, saying he deserved the pain for abandoning his comrade. Orihime herself was crying softly but still trying to help by healing Chad and Ishida, who were trying in vain to get her to heal herself, having sustained injuries from shielding others instead of herself. Renji was talking in indistinguishable whispers to a hell butterfly, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. They decided to let the group grieve in Soul Society, where they could be better able to heal physically, if not mentally. The group complied, some out of desire to seek old friends for comfort, others simply obeying orders in a mild state of catatonia. _

* * *

Ichigo didn't really know what prompted him to return to the training grounds after cleaning up, nor did he know why his arms were laden with sake. He just thought that for some reason it was a good idea. He figured that he'd just found himself a drinking partner, someone to share his grief. Someone in whom he could confide.

"Knew ya'd be back."

"How'd you know that?" Ichigo collapsed beside the older man, dumped his bottles beside the empty ones and placed his head on his hands, once more gazing at a cloudless sky.

"'Cause, although ya think noone understands ya, I can read ya like an open book."

"Is that so?" He uncorked a bottle and began gulping down it's contents.

"'Tis. But do us a favour Ichi, don' drink it so fast, don' wan' ya passin' out on me again. Leas' not as quick as ya did last nigh'" He grabbed the bottle back, wondering how the 15 year old managed to get so much alcohol so easily, "Where'd ya get this from, anyways?"

"Rukongai. Just leak a bit of reiatsu if they ask me what age I am. Seems to work."

"Yer a bit of a genius, aincha Ichigo?"

"Was that sarcasm?" He took the bottle and greedily knocked back half the bottle. "Everyone seems to think I'm stupid or something. Just a stupid kid, worth nothing to nobody."

"A) Tha' wasn' sarcasm and B) nobody thinks yer stupid. Even if they did think ya were, it wouldn' matter, 'cause me an' you both know yer not jus' a stupid kid."

"Renji..."

"Hmm?"

"Do you really not think of me as a kid?"

"Nope," he decided to uncork a bottle of his own and took a hearty swig. "Never did. Always thought ya were smart, but yer mature too. Ya get stuff most people don' get. Ya get me."

"Thanks." He finished off the bottle and threw it in the pile. Propping his head up on his hand he turned to face the other man. "I mean it."

"No trouble, Ichi! Here, have some more sake, last nigh's stuff was way stronger," he threw a bottle at Ichigo who caught it... less than gracefully, the sake kicking in. He quickly drained it, a sudden burning desire to get drunk taking over him. "Tha's more like it! Hang on, I was meanta be slowin' ya down, like I have any influence on ya anyway, ya probably don' even listenta half the stuff I say."

"O'Course I do. Yer like a role model or something. I've never really had a mate like yeh before. Me an' Chad an' Ishida don' really talk but you just GET me, yeh know?" At this, Renji promptly drained his own bottle and got another.

"Yeah, I know. We're like two halves of tha same coin... peas in a pod, eh?"

"TOTALLY!" Ichigo exclaimed, attempting to stand up but falling back down, Renji failing to stiffle his laughter as Ichigo's own giggles filled the room.

"Ya know, yer so adorable when yer drunk Ichi." Renji managed through his laughs.

"Thanks Renji!" Replied Ichigo, still giggling as he successfully stood up this time, only to fall right back down, onto the slightly startled form of Renji. "I could say tha sameta you."

Now, at this moment in time, Renji couldn't quite form a coherent thought. He liked to think that the sake had well and truly kicked in and that the butterflies he felt when Ichigo fell on top of him were just due to his currently drunken and oversensitive nature. But he knew it wasn't the sake. Ichigo's face was inches from his own, he could feel his breath tickling his neck, could smell the alcohol. He stared into the troubled eyes, watched them flutter closed, felt him lean in closer, ghost his lips across his own. "...Ichigo..." The younger man opened his eyes to see the confused expression on the older man's face. Apparently Ichigo wasn't as open a book as he thought he was.

"Renji... I'm sorry... I..." He tried to push himself up but stopped when a hand clasped his wrist.

"Don't be." Renji decided that it was now or never and pulled the kid in for a repeat performance. He gasped lightly when Renji flipped him on his back, lowering him to the ground. With one hand cupping his face, he stroked a tear away with his thumb. Ichigo parted his lips slightly to allow the older man to explore his mouth. With one hand undoing the tie that held back his hair and the other hand fisted in his shihakusho, he decided that coming here was indeed a very good idea.

* * *

**A/N**

Wow. That took forever to write. Lawl its 3am AGAIN and I'm hung over AGAIN. What an eventful weekend... BUT YEAH! I felt that now would be a good time to just get Rukia's death over with, and by the way, Ichigo & Renji aren't over her death but... they're men. They hide their feelings: And the sake makes them kinda not dwell on it. (I think this might be easier to understand if you've ever been under the influence). Okay so I wasn't gonna go into the whole Arrancar arc but I decided to just stick a bit in, Aizen helps make random mass hollow attacks make sense.

P.S. I don't hate Rukia but she's pretty much the character that most connects Ichigo and Renji since there's a kind of love triangle thing going on there. ...Well love hexagon or something, but shh:

I can't decide if Rukia's death is too short or too long .

Here, I'm not gonna beg for reviews or anything but it'd be nice to know if you like it or hate it or if there's anything in particular you would like me to include, I'm pretty much open to suggestions... ANYWAY!

See you next chapter!

Xx Robocracy.


	3. Restitution

_**WARNING: SWEARING!! Lawlll EVEN MORE ALCOHOL ABUSE!! This is getting to be some weird tradition...**_

* * *

Pain. This is what can be expected when you drink as much Ichigo drank the night before. His stomach was doing somersaults and his brain felt like it was about to pop out of his skull. He rubbed his eyes, blinking away the sleep, noticing that for the second night (day? It's hard to tell in this place) in a row, he had woken up in the training grounds, surrounded by empty sake bottles. This time however, his company was a little closer than before. Actually, he was a lot closer. And rather less clothed. And had his arm around his waist. That's new. As the stupor induced by sleep started to fade away, Ichigo began to remember _exactly_ what had happened the night before. In detail. Deciding that the only real option left to him at that point was to run away, he carefully moved the elder man's arm off him and shunpo'ed away. With one final fleeting look at the sleeping form of the man to whom he'd given more than he thought he'd ever give _any_ man, he left. (Secretly thinking that he was insanely adorable when he slept, then pushing that particularly unhelpful thought to the back of his brain, he replaced it with a 'but he does look hella good', pushing THAT to the back of his brain, he finally settled on an 'I hate my brain' and a satisfied cackle from his inner hollow).

Renji awoke with a sigh, having been reaching for a man that was no longer there. "Damn."

* * *

Walking through the streets of some random Rukongai district, looking for a suitably dingy bar to while away the afternoon, Ichigo was distracted by a dark haired man running towards him in his I'm-A-Gay-Superhero-Outfit™.

"Hey, Kurosaki! Haven't seen you about for a while, how you holding up?"

"Fine, Ishida, just been kinda busy, that's all."

The Quincy scoffed, easily guessing what had made him so busy, the smell of sake emanating from him in waves, and arching a brow replied, "Is that so?"

"Yeah, sorry but I have to go-"

"Aren't you going to ask about us? About Inoue-san?"

"Why, is something wrong?"

"I just thought you may be concerned, I thought you of all people would want to know if your friends are okay."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing... No need to snap."

"I just have things on my mind, but I really have to-"

"Look, it's Inoue-san. She's been asking after you, she wants to see you. She's worried. We all are."

"Don't be. Like I said, it's fine. _I'm_ fine. I'll see her around." He waved his hand dismissively and turned to leave.

"Ichigo! Don't you even care any more?" The hesitation in his features broke the Quincy's carefree façade, resulting in Ichigo having a bow pointed in his face.

"God, you're so oblivious to all the people around you. You're breaking her heart, Kurosaki. You haven't seen her. You haven't had to watch her downward spiral. The life's gone out of her eyes, Ichigo, and it's your fault. You're destroying yourself and she's doing the same because she's in love with you and you're too blind to see it. I'm the one that has to pick up the pieces. Clean yourself up and lay off the damn sake. Just grow the hell up." Slightly stunned by this sudden outburst, Ichigo looked into Ishida's eyes and immediately saw the hurt, the pain he was causing them and he realised for the first time why Ishida was so upset and angry at him. Ishida had to watch the woman he loved deteriorating before his eyes, because of him. He hung his head and said,

"Do it."

"She'd never forgive me if I did"

"Then get out of my way" Ishida stepped aside and Ichigo decided there was only one place where he could go. He began to shunpo but took a detour to buy some of the strongest sake the Rukongai had to offer. When he reached his destination, there was already someone waiting for him.

"Why'd ya leave?"

* * *

"He'll be fine Inoue-san. He told you not to worry about him," Ishida spoke to the curled up form of Orihime, desperately hoping to initiate conversation with the girl who had recently confined herself to her room without even a word of explanation. "_How could you fall for someone as selfish as him." _he muttered, thinking she couldn't hear him. She could.

"Kurosaki-kun is not selfish. He's kind and generous and would do anything for his friends." For the second time that day, Ishida scoffed. "Don't do that Ishida-kun! You don't know what he's going through!"

"Don't be so _naïve_ Inoue-san," having become so annoyed with everyone's unfaltering opinions of their god-send Kurosaki, he resulted in making the one person that meant more to him than anyone, cry softly. "I didn't mean it, Inoue-san...I just meant..." He tried to put an arm around her but she slapped it away.

"You're the naïve one here, Ishida-kun. Why can't you just believe in him?! He's had to deal with a lot and you know it!"

"We were all Rukia's friends, Inoue-san! But her death is no excuse for him to just abandon you altogether! I know you love him! You give him so much and he gives nothing in return. It kills me to see you killing yourself all because he doesn't love you! Well he never loved Rukia either. He doesn't love anyone but himself. He's selfish and just a downright _bastard_." At this, the flow of Orihime's tears returned and she tried to slap Ishida in the face, who caught her wrist as she started beating his chest with her fists.

"He's n-not li-like that, Ishida! He-He's kind, he's g-ge-generous!" She gave up hitting, instead collapsing against him and as sobs racked her small body he put his arms around her comfortingly. "Everything's g-going wrong, I-Ishida..."

"It's okay Inoue-san. Don't cry. You don't have to cry for him anymore."

* * *

The sun was starting to set, creating long shadows over the grounds of the Kuchiki Mansion. Byakuya surveyed the landscape, resting where his sister's memorial was, under the same cherry blossom trees where they had her funeral. She asked for it in her will. All shinigami have to make wills from the day they join the academy, the job being so dangerous that at any moment on any mission, anyone can die. Rukia said that she wanted to be surrounded by the cherry blossom petals, reminding her of her brother and his kindness. When Byakuya had the will read to him, he shed a single tear, the first outward sign of emotion expressed by the noble Kuchiki since the death of his wife, Hisana. When he caught sight of his red-haired fukutaichō, he sighed, knowing full well how close he and his sister were, silently jealous of his ability to connect with someone he so loved. He was going to greet Renji and perhaps invite him in for tea when a distraught looking Ichigo entered his peripheral vision. Deciding it would be best to leave them to it, he returned to his empty mansion. However full of servants it was, it only ever seemed empty to him now.

* * *

"Huh?" he responded, more out of surprise than anything else.

"I _said,_ why'd ya leave?"

"Uhh..." Ichigo replied, continuing with his previous eloquence.

"Well, if yer not gonna tell me then tha leas' ya could do is pass me one o' those," Renji said, pointing to Ichigo's bottles of sake. Ichigo complied, throwing him one, uncorking one for himself and leaving the rest on the ground. Choosing a comfortable looking patch of grass, he settled himself down, lying on his back and squinting through the trees towards the sunset. Sitting down beside him, Renji said, "Beautiful, ain' it?" A soft grunt of agreement and he continued, "Ichigo, I'm jus' gonna cut to tha chase here," taking a long swig of his sake and sighing with contentment he continued, "Tha's some seriously good shit, Ichi." Ichigo laughed.

"Was that your chase?" He took several swigs of his bottle and closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of the birds in the trees above.

"Nah. It wasn'. Look Ichigo, I wanna talk abou' las' nigh'. I don' wancha thinkin' I took advantage of ya or anythin'," he stared at his hands and waited for a response but took the silence as permission to continue, "Now I dunno if ya felt how I did but-" he paused, looking over to the younger man, "Ichigo? Are you...cryin'?"

"It's just... everything's turning to shit, Renji. I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do! All I know is that I need to drink this sake, because when I do, I'll forget I even exist." At that, he downed his bottle, drinking every last drop of the incredibly strong and vast amount of sake.

"Ichigo..." Renji sighed and looked at his friend (/lover?) through worried eyes. He watched the Sakura petals falling from the trees above, thinking how fitting it was to have Rukia's memorial here, shinigami being so like samurai. "Ya can' keep doin' this to yerself... Ya gotta understan' that it weren' yer fault Rukia got killed. Ya gotta let go of yer guilt..."

"Buddit's not jus' tha' thas goin' wrong, Renji. Ishida hates me! He fuckin' HATES me! Yeh should've seen tha look in his eyez. He was all -he wanted my BLOOD, Renji. If it weren' for Inoue he wouldda killed me righ' then an' there." Renji looked confused until Ichigo explained his earlier conversation with Ishida.

"But Ichigo, they're grievin', jus' like you, they're jus' upset is all-"

"An' ANOTHA thing. Here's me, dumpin' all my shit on you, tha guy I fuckin' ABANDONED after tha best night of my _life_. Expectin' yeh to be all comfortin' an' shit when I TOTALLY don' deserve yer sympathy. I don' get why yeh haven't swung at me yet."

"I jus' wanna understand, Ichi..."

"Wha's ta understand! Imma fuckin' dickhead that nobody wants. Ev'ryone hates me an' I can't fuckin' do anythin' right!" Ichigo's tears came in full force now and he was attempting to hide his face when Renji's hand cupped his chin and turned his eyes towards his own.

"Yer no dickhead and anyone tha' hates ya has no fuckin' right to." This said, he pressed his lips against Ichigo's, who yielded but swiftly pushed him away.

"I can't do this Renji!" The younger man stood and tried to walk away when he tripped and was abruptly caught by the man he was trying to leave. "Get offa me! I can't – We can't – Renji..." Renji refused to let go and instead pulled him into an embrace.

"I'm not goin' anywhere Ichigo."

* * *

Byakuya was gazing out through one of his many windows, eyes glazing over in thought as he stared at the sunset, wondering what lay ahead for him now that he was on his own again. His eyes drifted subconsciously to the memorial where Ichigo and Renji were still talking, drinking and... kissing? His eyes returned to sharp focus and blinked furiously, hoping desperately that he had been seeing things. He hadn't. Renji and Ichigo. The traitorous... they were Rukia's only loves and as soon as she's dead and buried they consummate their relationship on her GRAVE?! Kuchiki Byakuya expressed the second outward sign of emotion since the death of his wife, Hisana. He punched a big fuck off hole in his wall and shunpo'ed straight to where his fukutaichō was defiling his sisters memory with that arrogant ryoka boy, preparing to Senbonzakura Kageyoshi the disrespectful...

* * *

Urahara Kisuke prided himself on his excellent sense of timing and his never ending sense of guilt. (Also he was slightly masochistic). He watched the pair at Yoruichi's side, Byakuya not being the only one watching them, having chosen such an obvious place to show such... affection. Racing in at the sight of Byakuya, easily matching the pace of the enraged Kuchiki, he grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him away. Yoruichi looked on with a slightly worried but mainly amused disposition, wondering who else was watching.

* * *

Ishida Uryuu prided himself on his excellent sense of, well, pride, but was not well-known for his people skills. (Mainly because he didn't have any). Having thoroughly upset Orihime, he decided to leave her to calm down. Now, had he been thinking, he would have realised how stupid an idea this was, but doubting his own intelligence was not something the Quincy did (The pride thing can often be misinterpreted as stubbornness), so he simply went to find Chad to complain about how much a bastard Ichigo was.

* * *

Inoue Orihime did not pride herself on her excellent sense of timing. Turning up at the most inopportune moment was a skill unique to her alone. Having gone to visit Rukia's memorial for the first time since the funeral, she managed to stumble across her one and only true love kissing another man. Had it been anyone else, they would have tiptoed away and found a corner to cry in, Orihime however, Queen of misfortune, tripped on a rock and face-planted the ground, causing a very loud 'OW!' to escape her lips, garnering the attention of the two men, who immediately broke apart and started making excuses. She was too busy running away to hear anything they said.

* * *

"Wha tha fuck?" Renji half asked Ichigo, half asked himself.

"Shouldda seen Bya.. Byaku.. Byakuya! He went mental." Renji deadpanned.

"Kuchiki taichō?"

"Mmmhmmn."

"Fuck. Come on, ya can stay with me if ya wan'. Tha cave thing's useless... Them rocks hurt like a bitch in tha mornin'" Ichigo nodded sheepishly and let himself be supported by Renji, who was considerably less drunk than he was.

"Don't forget the sakeee!"

* * *

**A/N**

Okay so, yeah, they got found out... after a day . They really suck at being secretive. This was kinda angsty... and cracky o.o Wtf happened to this chapter? I'm not even joking. BUT IT'S NOT 3AM AND I'M NOT HUNG OVER! -HIGH FIVES- By the way, when Renji deadpanned, in my head he did this O.O .

I kinda have exams... so yeah, these updates may become insanely infrequent. Then again, I probably won't revise and will instead just write this. I have 60 pages of coursework to do tomorrow o.o AND a spanish oral, which I haven't revised for yet. Oh piss.

Btw, Urahara feels guilty that Rukia died so he's stopping Byakuya doing something he'll regret and helping Ichigo and Renji...not...die.

Again, reviews would be REALLY nice, seeing as I really have no idea whether or not you guys like this and whether there's any point continuing.

Anyway, See you:

Xx Robocracy.


	4. Rescue

_**Disclaimer: DONOTOWN**_

**Warning: I don't think there's swearing but I said WTF so WATCH OUT!**

* * *

"LET GO OF ME YOU INSOLENT, IGNORANT, IDIOTIC..."

"Calm down, Kuchiki taichō! No need to be so angry, even if it is an interesting development..."

"GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF ME!"

"I can assure you that my hands are perfectly germ-free."

"I DEMAND THAT YOU LET ME GO! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE DEALING WITH!"

"If you want me to let you go, you're going to have to give me a better reason than screaming insults or empty threats."

"I PROMISE YOU, I WILL MAKE YOU FEEL PAIN THAT YOU HAVE NEVER FELT BEFORE IN YOUR LIFE IF YOU DO NOT RELEASE ME FROM THIS INFERNAL CONTRAPTION!"

"You're going to have to try harder than that!"

* * *

"Kurosaki-kun... Kurosaki-kun... Kurosaki-kun..." Orihime kept repeating his name again and again, over and over, the name of the man who has changed her life in so many ways, the man who would do anything to protect her...the man she fell in love with. She was currently trying to grasp a hold of The Situation. The Situation was quite simple really, when you think about it properly. You see, grief broke his brain. It's the only explanation. Well, it's the only explanation she was willing to voice out loud through fear of her words actually being true. She didn't want to think of the implications of Kurosaki being... being... _like that_. No! She shouldn't even think of such a thing. Renji was probably just taking advantage of his grief! Using him for...well...whatever it is that men do... She got several mental images in her head, each one more obscure (& obscene) than the last before beginning to blush furiously.

"You okay, Inoue-san?"

"Ummm, yes! Of course I'm okay! I'm great actually! Why?"

"You just look a bit, er, flushed is all." Looking up for the first time at the man hovering over her, she couldn't help but think what an inherent contradiction he really was. Sure, he looked kinda mean, with his spiky hair, choker and tattooed face but here was, asking about her. "And you were talking to yourself." When was she talking to herself? Is she talking to herself now? "Err, I dunno if you were asking me that or not but yeah, you were."

"Oh, sorry! I... ummm, I didn't mean to disturb you!"

"It's okay but maybe you should go to fourth or something... I can take you if you want."

"Oh, no no, I'm fine, honestly. I must just be hungry, I'm like this all the time anyway!"

"Even still, come on, you can tell me what's up on the way over."

"Huh? 'What's up'?"

"You're crying."

"Oh."

* * *

"So, how are we feeling today?"

"Is this intentionally ironic?"

"Don't you like the chaise longue? I thought you might feel more relaxed."

"And the notebook?"

"Came with the set."

"Well, do I still have to be strapped to it?"

"Precaution. At least now you've found your marbles!"

"I am a man of reason and I have not once 'lost my marbles'."

"Right, yes, of course, you just _misplaced_ them. Now, Mr. Kuchiki, may I ask why you were about to disembowel your subordinate?" Urahara tipped his hat upward in order to look at his captive's face, seeing the conflicting emotions (emotions he'd never seen cross the man's face before) warp his stoicism.

"You know why, now may I please leave? I have matters to attend to."

"Yes, yes, of course you'll leave but would I have asked you if I knew the reason?"

"Mayb-"

"That was rhetorical. I know the circumstances underlying your actions but I do _not_ know why you acted with such...enthusiasm. Well, I say I don't know, but I do have a theory, now, the way I see it is, you were lonely, upset, depressed, distraught, any number of emotions you could unfathomably express, and you saw the two men who should be feeling as terrible, if not more terrible than you are, finding happiness. Now I could say that you were jealous of the happiness they shared, or I could say that it was something that ran slightly deeper than that."

"What exactly is it that you are suggesting?"

"I'm sure _you're_ well aware of what I'm suggesting, after all, your affections for your fukutaichō are _your_ affections."

"I'm not-"

"Of course you're not. Now, if you still want to that is, you may leave!" Releasing the bindings on Byakuya, Urahara stepped back from the newly freed, recently homicidal and insanely strong nobleman. As he watched the Kuchiki raise his hand to strike him, he closed his eyes and prepared for impact. When nothing came, he slowly reopened them, scanning the room for the man who was already long gone.

* * *

"So why'd you come over anyway?" Hisagi asked Orihime, receiving a quizzical look in response.

"Come over...where?"

"To ninth."

"I don't know... I just started running and running and then I saw that nice tree I was sitting under and I stopped and then you came."

"What were you running from?"

"Oh, no! It's nothing serious or anything! Actually, I should probably get going now anyway! Thanks for your help though, uhhh..."

"Hisagi."

"Thanks Hisagi-kun! Well, bye!" She ran off in some random direction, undoubtedly pretending she had somewhere to be (and pretending she knew where the hell she was going), leaving Hisagi with a confused expression on his face, deciding to seek out one of her friends because he was in a good mood. It wasn't that he might have a tiny crush on her due to her having a striking resemblance in certain areas to a certain fukutaichō, no sir. The fact that since his captain had fled, his work appeared unending didn't mean that he was going out of his way for her, he was just in a good mood, dammit. Sighing loudly, he went off in search of that one who always followed her about, the freak in the I-are-teh-antonym get-up. And no, he didn't notice the guy following her around all the time because he was staring at her, he was just observant. And just for the record, he definitely didn't have a borderline heart-attack when he saw her sitting outside, nor did he pinch himself. Nor did he stifle a nosebleed recalling some situations in which he pinched himself and it didn't hurt. Scanning for the guy, and finding nothing, he sighed again, louder. He had to let up on his reiatsu at some point and when he does, he _will_ be found. Sighing once more, he returned to his paperwork, looking far more dejected than he had done when he left the office.

* * *

A/N

Okay, so this is short, but I wanted to leave this as it's own chapter so I'm going to upload more than one chapter at once because I've been an ass when it comes to this story, but I didn't know if I wanted to continue it or not, and I wasn't gonna, BUT I DID. I think it'll be finished in a few more chapters, maybe 3 or 4. So yeah:

Okay, WHY HISAGI!? I hear you cry, well because of four (weak-assed) reasons.

1) Hisagi has a crush on Matsumoto, it happened in the little cartoony things that used to come at the end of the manga chapters and she's pretty unavailable.

2) Because he would have watched Orihime & Rukia training if he weren't so busy

3) Because he _is_ so busy; it makes him taking time out more important than it would be for anyone else really.

4) Because the only other person with similar qualities is Iba, and he's a coward, come on, he quit 11th. COWARD. He's all leik AMAGAD I'M FROM HIROSHIMA but , not literally gay because if he was gay then I'd probably give him a pairing xD But gay in the I-can't-think-of-an-insult kind of sense. I'M NO HOMOPHOBE! Lawl it'd be funny if I was though... writing homophobic slash, AWESOME.

Also, Hisagi doesn't get enough love.

Sorry there was no Renji&Ichigo but that's why I'm uploading 2 chapters at once, so you don't die of TheMainCharactersAren'tHereWTFFFitis.

Oh jesus these notes are LAWNG. See you next chapter!

Xx Robocracy.

P.S. OH GAWD NO ALCOHOL ABUSE. THAT'S A FIRST.

P.P.S. Please review because this story isn't getting a lot of love ;-;


	5. Renaissance

Disclaimer: IDON'TOWNBLEACH.

Warning: Contains swearing and mature themes!

* * *

Ichigo woke up in an unfamiliar room, wrapped around an increasingly familiar form. Squinting in the semi-darkness, he looked at his surroundings. The room was small, simple, more humble than could have been expected of the overbearing man beside him. It was nice, lived in. The best thing though by far was the smell, that wonderful mixture of alcohol and what could only be described as Renji. Vaguely wondering when he'd got there, he remembered the night before in a flash of memory, "Oh fuck." Not normally one to swear when sober, and having already been woken up by the kid moving around in his arms, Renji looked at him with concern marring his features.

"What's up, Ichi?"

"We're fucked." There he goes again. Trying not to point out the obvious innuendo, he decided the gravity of the situation deserved a more sensitive approach.

"Go back ta sleep." Receiving a formidable death glare, he changed tactics. Sitting behind the younger man, he started to rub his shoulders soothingly. "There ain' nothin' we can do about it now, ya jus' gotta relax an' let whatever happens, happen."

"But, we're going to be murdered, and we're in exactly the first place our murderer would think to look."

"Then he's not lookin' for us, is he? If this's tha first place he's gonna look, then he's not lookin'."

"Or maybe Mr. Hat-n-clogs hasn't let him go yet."

"Yer such a pissimist, ya know tha?"

"It's pessimist, and I'm not a pessimist, I'm just realistic."

"But yer bein' pissy abou' everythin', therefore yer a pissimist. Come on, Ichi, he's not comin' for us, so jus' relax." Turning his face towards his own, Renji placed a light kiss on his lips. "There's no point in worryin' abou' somethin' ya can't change." Whispering hoarsely in his ear, he continued, "Jus' relax, Ichi."

* * *

"God, I'm so sick of Mr. McHighandMighty! When will people learn he's a conceited, stuck-up, idiotic, poor excuse for a human being! He ruins everything he touches, he's like anti-Midas!"

"Hmmn."

"And _another_ thing! He treats people like dirt. You look Ichigo up in the dictionary and it says 'By my heel, I care not!'"

"Hmmn."

"_And_ he's an alcoholic now! _That's_ how he deals with grief? 'Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink!'"

"Hmmn."

He sighed. "I wish he'd just leave us all alone, I mean, look what he's doing to Orihime, he's _destroying_ her! She's a shell of her former self, it's all his fault and she worships the ground he walks on! I'm just so SICK of him! Aren't you?!"

"Mmhmmn."

"You're so easy to talk to, Sado, you just understand exactly what I'm saying, you're the only person that seems to listen to me at all."

"Hmmn."

* * *

Renji turned him around completely in his lap, kissing him with a new found passion, deciding that the easiest way to calm him down was by taking his mind off it the only way he knew how. Flipping him onto his back without once breaking the kiss, he deepened it, easily being granted access by the teen who was long since past hesitancy. Moving from his lips, he trailed kisses down his abdomen, biting down lightly and eliciting a gasp from the man beneath him. He reached the first of two pale nipples, licking and rolling it with his tongue, forcing Ichigo to bite his lip to prevent any more moans escaping his lips. As it hardened, he moved onto the next, before returning his lips to Ichigo's, letting his hands roam over the smaller body and tauntingly grazing the boy's now fully formed erection. "Renji...please." The breathlessness of his voice was enough to send him over the edge and, after all, he just couldn't say no to the kid.

* * *

While signing his name for the thousandth time on some pointless piece of paper, he picked up on a substantial increase of characteristic reiatsu. He'd never forget how insane that reiatsu was, and it belonged to someone practically as insane, who happened to be a friend of Orihime. Deciding that his paperwork could wait until he got back (because no-one else was going to do it), he shunpo'ed in the direction of said insane spirit force. He was just doing it to get out of paperwork, he wasn't concerned for the girl at all. Well, maybe a little, okay he was concerned, sue him.

* * *

Placing two fingers in the boy's mouth and being teased by the tongue he'd recently become more than acquainted with, Renji felt all the blood rush out of his body and settle in his groin. Removing the fingers and kissing him again to distract him, he ran his hands down the length of his body and let the boy wrap his legs around his torso. As his hands rested on his ass he slowly placed one finger inside giving the boy a minute to adjust before inserting the second, scissoring and stretching him in preparation, although two fingers wasn't quite going to do it. Slipping in a third, he lightly brushed the highly sensitive nerves that made Ichigo release the shuddered gasp of pleasure that drove him wild. As he began bucking backwards into the fingers, they were removed, accompanied by a dissatisfied groan while Renji retrieved a small bottle from the bedside drawer.

* * *

When the reiatsu continued to fluctuate wildly, Hisagi couldn't help but wonder what the hell was going on, even if it was bad, he was still curious. He was especially curious as he got closer to the source of it, seeing as it was in the apartment of none other than Abarai Renji. He was mainly curious because, generally, when someone's reiatsu fluctuates to that extent it means that they're having a really, really good time. And the fluctuations seemed to match those of Renji himself. They mainly happen because they're trying to mask their reiatsu (most of them do it subconsciously, out of habit) and they accidentally lose control. Now, had Hisagi heeded the words 'Curiosity killed the cat', he probably wouldn't have gotten himself into half of the predicaments he seemed to get himself into on a daily basis, but he was never one to take advice from anyone.

* * *

Having slicked himself with the contents of the bottle, he positioned himself at his entrance, pushing into the younger man and allowing him time to adjust before starting to move slowly in and out, quickly establishing a steady rhythm. With a somewhat unmatched expertise, every thrust hit the mark, sending Ichigo into a spiral of pleasure as it coursed through his body like an incredible drug. Pure ecstasy. The smell of sweat starting to saturate the room, the two bodies rocking in unison, the sounds of the friction of skin against skin filling their ears. He drove into Ichigo again and again, evoking the strangled moans of a man close to the edge. Feeling the tell-tale tightening of muscle, Renji slammed into him, forcing into him harder and harder until the kid reached his climax, riding through his waves of pleasure before reaching his own. He pulled out and collapsed next to him, pulling his face towards his own and kissing him with what seemed almost to be desperation. "It's gonna be alrigh', Ichi." Being gently pulled closer to the older man, he rested his head on his chest, listening to the slowing beat of his heart and letting it lull him back towards sleep. Gently stroking through the vibrant strands of orange hair, Renji felt one of the most ominous feelings he'd felt since _that_ night.

* * *

Having seen more than he'd bargained for through the gap in the fusuma, (okay maybe he'd figured he'd see that but he still wanted to see for himself, and boy did he see for himself) Hisagi headed back towards his office, seeing the paperwork in a whole new, thoroughly inviting, light. He just wish he could stifle his nosebleed this time. He couldn't help but think that today was gonna be a _long_ day.

* * *

I COME BEARING PR0N!

I figure you deserve it seeing as I abandoned this for a month.

Okay so I've never written any before so I'm so sorry if I was listening to P!ATD the whole time, a tribute to KivaEmber:) If you don't know who that is, find out!

One thing I just wanna say is the time. In this, it's about 10am, which to me means I would need to wake up in about 3 hours, so that's what it means to Renji. For Ishida, well he's an early bird and Chad goes along with what he says. Hisagi doesn't have time for sleep.

I made what Ishida say sound smart but mainly pretentious. He talks about Greek mythology, quotes Romeo and Juliet and says a phrase that's generally considered smart, but a big insult. It's weird because I was just writing from his POV and that stuff came out of my, well, hands. Oh and I don't know any ridiculously famous old school Japanese playwrights, so I used the English equivalent.

As always, I would love a review and P.S. I had NO idea you could reply to reviews so I'll be doing that henceforth!

Xx Robocracy


	6. Recession

No matter how many times he laboriously signed his name on any number of forms, he just couldn't get _that_ image out of his head. It's not like he hadn't seen anything like _that _before but he had this nagging feeling in the back of his head that _that_ might have been the reason Orihime was upset. He'd always wondered if she'd had something for Ichigo. Stolen glances, longing looks, that kind of thing. It wasn't his fault he was observant. (Nor was it his fault he was jealous about it either.) He should probably ask someone about it, but he still couldn't find that irritating kid, the one who follows her around like a lost puppy. Maybe he'd be able to get that picture out of his head if he went to see Orihime herself, she was one of his favourite distractions after all.

* * *

"Hey, Renji."

"Yeah, Ichi?"

"Do you think I'm a dick head?"

"Am I supposeta think yer a dickhead?"

"I'm being serious."

"Is this tha Ishida thing again?"

"Yeah...Renji, they hate me, all of them do. I've just pushed them away completely, they fucking hate me."

"Maybe ya should be wantin' ta go talk ta them. Tha's what I useta do when I hadda fight with Rukia." Any time someone even so much as mentioned her name, memories came flooding back, each memory of _that_ night a burden of guilt Ichigo had to carry around with him, trying not to let it consume him.

"You're right. Hell, you're always right. I dunno what I'd do without you."

"Ya'll never 'ave ta find out."

* * *

In the middle of a new Ichigo rant, Ishida realised that it had been practically a day since he'd left Orihime and he decided that he should probably check up on her, since no-one else would bother to. It wasn't that he resented looking after her, quite the opposite, he loved every opportunity he got to spend time with her but the point was that he shouldn't _have _to do it alone. Her friends should be queueing around the block to support her. One friend in particular should be doing everything he could to help the girl but he was too busy wallowing in self pity to pay her any mind. He always thought he was selfish but this was a new low. He tried to banish the thought of him dying instead of Rukia, but couldn't, because although he wouldn't wish death upon anyone he couldn't help but think that the world could be a better place without him in it.

* * *

Orihime was one of the easiest people in the world to find. She wasn't like the shinigami, she didn't hide herself automatically, because she didn't mind being found. She had nothing to hide. Any time she came to Soul Society, Hisagi found her in seconds. Today was no different. This time he found her sitting in a tree with a far-off expression on her face, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. "Hey, Orihime! You okay?" For once, she wasn't surprised by someone's sudden appearance. Nor did she even seem to notice him, she just stayed exactly where she was.

"I'm fine thank you, Hisagi-kun." Well, to anyone with eyes, that was a blatant lie. He climbed up in the tree beside her. The late afternoon sun filtered through the leaves of it's canopy, bathing them in a yellow light.

"Is it Ichigo?" She turned to him and nodded the slightest of nods. "He's not worth this, you know. You've been through a lot lately, you deserve better than him." She nodded again, and turned back to her gazing at nothing. She didn't even turn back when Hisagi laid a comforting arm on her shoulder, she just kept staring while the tears kept rolling.

* * *

Now that Kurosaki had left his quarters, he'd finally be able to talk to his lieutenant in private. Stepping gracefully into the apartment and heading for the bedroom where he was undoubtedly still lying, waiting for Ichigo's return, he carefully slid the fusuma back and startled the room's occupant more than he had intended. Said occupant then jumped to his feet and tried to hide the look of absolute fear on his face. Senbonzakura was not the kind of thing you forget, let alone wish upon yourself again. "Ku-Kuchiki-taichō! I-I didn't hear you come in!" He was also hiding his accent, how formal.

"I brought tea." It took Renji all of his willpower to stop from simultaneously exhaling all the air he hadn't known he was holding and shouting 'What the fuck?!"

* * *

Ishida had always found it easy to find Orihime, she never bothered sealing her reiatsu because she felt no need to. God, if Orihime was so easy to find then why did no-one ever try to find her? Setting off to find her at his normal inhuman speed, he found her sitting in a tree. But she wasn't alone. She was in the arms of another man. Now, Ishida's patience was already at an all time low but the woman he had done _so much_ for had just ditched him for a man she _barely knows._ No, she wouldn't. She wouldn't do something like that, that was probably was of the most un-Orihime things Orihime would do. He must be taking advantage of her in her weakened state! That _must_ be what it is. He should confront him. "Hey! Orihime, are you okay? Hey, you! What are you doing to her?" Hisagi turned around to glare daggers at the man who'd been eluding him since the previous day while Orihime barely acknowledged his existence.

"I've been looking for you all day!"

"Huh..?"

"She's been out of her mind and you've been too stupid to see it!"

"I am not stupid!"

"Well you must be if you thought she was all right! She's been crying since she saw Ichigo and Renji."

"I _said_ I'm not stupid! Hang on, what did you say?"

"You didn't know?"

"Know what?"

"That Ichigo's shagging Renji."

"WHAT?" Orihime flinched.

* * *

Renji sat in his living room, possibly more confused than he'd ever been in his life. Where was the dismemberment? Where was the thousand deaths being laid upon him? Not even a little slice and dice. Aside from that, they were exchanging _pleasantries_. He was having tea prepared for him! Byakuya was busy bustling around in the kitchen making, more likely than not, some insanely expensive herbal concoction. He struggled to maintain face when Byakuya returned to the room laden with the tray on which he had placed two cups and the teapot. He put it on the coffee table next to where Renji was sitting and poured some tea into each mug. Renji was still wondering what the hell was going on when Byakuya returned his cup to the tray and opened his mouth to speak. "Renji, we need to talk."

* * *

Even though Ichigo found it hard to sense reiatsu, okay that was an understatement, even though he was_ terrible _at sensing reiatsu, he always found it easy to find Orihime. Well, not easy, but less hard than normal. It didn't take him long to find her, but even so, he was reluctant to get to her, he'd yet to think of something to say. 'Sorry I'm an ass hole' didn't quite cut it. He was finding it hard to move his feet let alone shunpo to her, so he just walked. Then he felt Ishida's reiatsu, strange. He's not the kind of person to let his reiatsu slip, let alone to this extent. In fact, it felt like it was coming straight towards him. It was probably just his imagination thinking that he deserved to bear the brunt of that anger. "KUROSAKI!" The glittering arrow in front of his face told him that it apparently wasn't his imagination, unless his imagination was feeling particularly vivid today.

"Uhh... Ishida? What's-"

"Hey, Kurosaki! How's life Kurosaki, you okay, Kurosaki? I hope thing's are going well for you, Kurosaki, HOW'S THE BOYFRIEND, KUROSAKI?" The arrow disappeared, to be replaced by a rather vicious boot to the stomach followed by a punch to the face. Ichigo went down.

"What's wrong-"

"I'M NOT DONE, KUROSAKI." He hovered his foot over his face. "I'm not even CLOSE to being done! I have fucking_ had it _with you!" He kicked him in the face. "All you do leave a trail of destruction in your wake! You haven't got a fucking clue what you do to people do you?" He started kicking him as hard as humanly possible in the abdomen. Ichigo managed to splutter through the blood pouring out of his mouth.

"I'm s-"

"What? You're SORRY now, are you? Sell that shit to someone else because I'm not buying it. How could you be sorry, huh? When you have no remorse whatsoever!" He stopped kicking him and came down to his level. "You have no comprehension of the word empathy, do you? You just fuck things up, you fuck_ people_ up and you don't give a shit about any of it!" He stood again.

"Uryu-"

"DON'T FUCKING CALL ME THAT! You have no fucking right to say my name! We are not friends. Don't even think we could ever be friends after what you've done to us. You've walked all over us, treated us like dirt. Me, Chad, Orihime. You have no idea what you've done to her. You didn't break her heart, you fucking shattered it. _She_ is shattered. You are the salt in our wounds, Kurosaki." He put all his weight into one final kick.

"Ishida..."

"I don't want to hear another fucking word from you. Stay the fuck away from Chad, stay the fuck away from me and you better stay the fuck away from Orihime or I promise you, I will fucking kill you myself. I wish you'd died instead of Rukia."

* * *

"What do you want to talk about sir?" He set his cup down, starting to get irritated with the man's persistent silence. There had to be a reason he was here. The head of the Kuchiki clan doesn't randomly pop around for tea. There was a catch. The tea must be poisoned.

"It's a rather delicate subject, for which I must choose my words carefully." That was it, he was going to be murdered. The suspense was practically enough to kill him as it was, he kinda wanted to be put out of his misery if that was the case.

"Take as long as you need sir." He just wished he would stop playing with him. He probably wanted to see him squirm before he decided to gut him. He wished he wasn't going to get killed at all but the likelihood was just slim to none.

* * *

Ichigo stumbled in the dirt as he watched Ishida walk away. Ishida was right. He should have died instead of Rukia. It was his fault Rukia died. It was his fault everyone's lives were turning to shit. He was so horrible to everyone, he walked all over them, he was so _selfish_. The world would be better off without him. He tried to get up but his face was met by a fist. "Hey, Ichigo, we meet at last."

"Hi..Hisagi?"

"The one and only. I see the kid roughed you up pretty bad. Not nearly bad enough though, the kid's a pansy." He picked Ichigo up by the neck of his shirt and threw him back on the ground.

"What did I-"

"Oh you didn't do anything to me, but see, you hurt our little Orihime, and I don't like it when guys hurt girls." He started placing well aimed kicks in his back.

"I didn't mean to-"

"Like fuck you didn't! Well, no matter. You broke her, so I'll break you. Starting with your arm." He smiled a devilish smile before picking up his hand, placing one foot on his shoulder and giving a good hard yank. Ichigo screamed in agony. "Well, I guess a dislocation's good enough. And hey, Ichigo, here's something to remember me by, in case you feel like ruining someone's life again." He unsheathed his katana and sliced one, deep, vertical line down his face. "Now, I'll leave you to your whimpering." He spat right on Ichigo's face and turned to leave. "Oh, and Ichi, don't even so much as look at Orihime again, kay?"

* * *

"Abarai, there is something I wish to share with you, something I would like you to take into consideration for the future."

"I will, sir, take it into consideration I mean."

"Thank you. This will not be easy for me to say, for I am not the person to share such things."

"Take as long as you need, sir." Renji was beyond confused. He no longer felt like the shark was circling him. He drank some of his tea, wondering desperately if he'd be able to put some sake into it. Why would his taichō want to share _anything _with him, let alone something he couldn't tell someone else? Kuchiki Byakuya, Enigma.

"I hope this information will not compromise our professional relationship, as I believe we are able to work well as a team and inaugurating a new lieutenant is always tiresome." Now, they say curiosity killed the cat, but the cat has nine lives, he'd get over it eventually. Renji was over his confusion and now wanted to know exactly what it was that was giving his captain that strange expression on his face. "Renji," he had never been called that by his captain in his life. Ever. Not once. "I have something to tell you."

* * *

Ichigo managed to climb his way to his feet using his only working arm but wondered why he even bothered. He wished he could just be lying dead in that dirt, anything to get away from this feeling. He could taste the coppery fluid flowing into his mouth, just like he said, a reminder. Every taste bud reminding him of what he'd done. He was Atlas. He had the overwhelming weight of guilt pressing down on his shoulders but he had something to stop it from crushing him. He had someone. He wasn't going to let it ruin him when he still had someone to live for. No matter how much he wanted to be dead, he wouldn't do that to Renji. He'd hurt enough people in his short life without adding to the list in his death. He stumbled over his own feet as he remembered how to use them and staggered back to Renji's, the only place where he belonged any more.

* * *

Renji looked to his captain with a mix of confusion and, for some reason, anticipation. Calling him that name made him all giddy inside, sure, he loved Ichigo, but he'd always had a fondness for his captain, hell, who didn't? He'd hit that. Well not now that he had Ichi, obviously, but Byakuya was definitely on the list. "Renji, are you all right?" Oh, he'd been staring off into space.

"Yeah, what do you have to tell me sir?" Looking into his eyes he felt like he already knew the answer. Byakuya leaned over, placed one delicate hand at the base of Renji's neck and pulled him in for the most feather-light of kisses. In a momentary lapse of sanity, he didn't push him away, instead deepening the kiss, making, quite literally, the biggest mistake of his life. Ichigo stared at him, battered, bruised, and open mouthed, before tears began their trails down his dirty, bloodied face as he gathered up the last of his strength and ran to the only place he could think to go.

* * *

_A/N_

Say hi, penultimate chapter.

Seriously, the next chapter hurt to write. If you listen to nothing else I say, let it be this.

Listen to Roads by Portishead.

You won't regret it.

I listened to Massive Attack & Portishead the whole way through writing this chapter and the next so they inspired this.

Thanks for reading,

Xx Robocracy


	7. Reality

* * *

Note: Lots of swearing.

Sorry this is so insanely late. I was SERIOUSLY wasted all weekend. There was an anime and gaming convention and I'm weak-minded. Yesterday I had 3 or 4 days worth of a hangover to contend with so spent the entire time getting into D. Gray-man. I wrote this a while back, but, well, I couldn't find myself being happy with this chapter.

This is the last one guys. (Because I don't want to get your hopes up about an aftermath chapter because I quite like where I ended it.)

Sorry about all the failwriting this story has incurred so far.

Sorry this chapter's so short.

* * *

The sky was darkening, the sun was setting. They always say that in your last moments, a strange kind of peace overcomes you. Even though his heartbeat was racing and the impact of what he was about to do was causing his body to scream in retaliation, he couldn't feel it any more. He was numb. Nor was there unrest in Ichigo's mind. His normally ever so intemperate mind. As he wrote down his final thoughts, he waited for Renji to find him. He knew he would look, he was the only one in the world that would, but he knew now that when he said 'I love ya, Ichi' he really meant, 'I love fuckin' ya, Ichi'. But he didn't care any more, he was going to finally put everyone out of their misery. He took another swig of sake and waited patiently.

* * *

Renji raced through Seireitei, searching more desperately for Ichigo than he had ever searched for anything in his life, Byakuya hot on his heels. "Would ya jus' fuck off already?"

"Renji, I-"

"Leave it. Please, taichō. Ya didn' fuckin' see him, tha look in his eyes... I've gotta find him and yer really not helpin'." He ran off again, trying to follow that characteristic reiatsu like he'd done so many times before, but falling short time and time again. His reiatsu was everywhere in large quantities but his own had depleted by so much that by the time he had tried to find him, he was virtually invisible to his senses. This time, when he ran off, Byakuya didn't follow.

* * *

He could feel him coming, he was getting nearer, even if he didn't know it yet. Renji had already been to where he'd been beaten up, a couple of places he'd coughed up blood on the way back, the place where he got this wonderful sake and was currently drawing closer. Sunset on Sōkyoku Hill. Fitting. Any minute now he'd raid the training grounds before coming up here. He fingered the cuffs in his pocket and made his way to a particularly dense thicket of trees.

* * *

As soon as he got inside he knew he wasn't there but he refused to admit defeat, deciding that 'search under every single one of these fucking stones until I find him' could be a more effective approach. Not wanting to give up, he left the room and climbed to the top of the hill, sensing the tiniest traces of his reiatsu. His eyes started to sting as tears fell unbidden from his eyes, the sun had now fully set and the moon graced the sky above. He shoved the thought to the back of his mind that this night was becoming more and more like _that_ night. He carefully followed the trail of reiatsu into the white forest that sat atop the hill, finally finding what he was searching for. He breathed a sigh of relief. "Ichigo..."

"Hey, Renji." He ran up to him and hugged him tighter than he even thought possible. Ichigo winced. He deserved the pain.

"Ya scared me, Ichi."

"Sorry." He was so relieved he didn't even notice Ichigo reaching into his pocket and pulling out the pair of handcuffs inside with his good arm. He put one on the other man. "Watcha doin' Ichi?" He put the second on a neighbouring tree. "What're ya-"

"They're reiatsu constricting so there's no point in trying to get out of them." He handed him the letter he'd written while waiting to be found. He kissed him lightly on the lips, then turned to leave.

"Ichigo! Where're ya goin'?"

"I'm sorry."

"What tha fuck, Ichigo?!" Even though he asked, the moment he'd seen _that_ look in his eyes, he knew exactly what it was Ichigo was planning. He watched him walk slowly to the far side of the hill although he could barely see him, the trees being so thick and his vision was already blurred from the tears rolling down his cheeks. He pulled so hard at the cuffs they scratched and tore his skin, blood trickled down his wrist but he ignored it. It was his fault Ichigo was doing this. He deserved the pain. "Please, Ichigo! Don't do this!" As he reached the edge of the cliff he gave Renji a weak smile.

He lay his head back and gazed at the sky, slowly closing his eyes.

"ICHIGO, NO!" He thrashed and screamed with an unmatchable fervour, his rage and fear overwhelming him, desperately trying to reach out to the boy he'd fallen in love with and, ultimately, destroyed. "PLEASE, ICHIGO! DON'T- YOU CAN'T! ICHIGO!"

"Tell them I'm sorry." Ichigo opened his eyes once more, cursing the hurt he was causing everyone. His final words were barely more than a whisper. "I love you, Renji." He raised his arms and stepped backwards, feeling the wind whip his hair as gravity took hold, removing him from Renji's sight for once and for all.

* * *

Renji didn't know how long he'd been sitting there, just sitting, letting the tears cascade down his face, tasting the saline liquid in his mouth. He was borderline catatonic before he remembered the letter. He opened it carefully, desperately wanting to know his dying words.

* * *

_Dear Renji,_

_I'm sorry. Hell, you probably hate me like everyone else does. I fucked up, Renji. I fucked up good. It's my fucking fault Rukia died, I don't care what anyone else says because I know that's exactly what you're all thinking. She died to save me and it's _my fucking fault_ for needing saved. I feel the same as the rest of you, I wish I'd died instead of her. Well, I can't bring her back, but I can live up to the other half._

_I can't believe I went and fucking fell in love with you. I always knew you'd never feel the same and it's my own fault for relying on you so damn much, so for that, I'm also sorry. I kept you from being with Byakuya because I was too busy being needy and whiny and fucking pathetic. So I apologise for all the late nights and lack of sleep I caused you, because you just downright don't deserve it. I know it's fucking ridiculous that it only took me a few days to fall in love with you because you obviously didn't feel the same._

_I don't know why I'm telling you this but you're the only person I've ever been able to talk to and I just need to tell someone. I've hurt people. I've hurt fucking everyone! Everyone fucking hates me and it's my own fucking fault because I made them hate me. You know, when Ishida was beating the shit out of me I didn't once think 'Make it stop' because I knew I deserved it. Same with Hisagi, I knew I deserved the pain. Just shows you, even people I barely fucking know hate me. I'm a piece of shit. I walk all over everyone, I'm horrible to everyone who's ever called me their friend and I don't deserve anything but death, so here I sit, waiting for you to come so that I can put everyone out of their misery._

_I deserve to die._

_And I'm going to do it. So these are my last words to you and to everyone. I'm sorry that I hurt you, I'm sorry that I burdened you, I'm sorry I did all those terrible things to you. I never meant to hurt anyone but what I've done is downright unforgivable, so I say my final farewells and above all, I'm sorry I didn't do this sooner._

_Thank you,_

_Ichigo._

* * *

Thanks readers, you made it worthwhile.

Xx Robocracy


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